When you think about it, not coming to therapy is often scarier and more painful. For many people, therapy is a relief — a place where they can express themselves fully without fear of judgment, criticism, or punishment. At the same time, it can be intimidating to face oneself as a complex person with unflattering traits and qualities as well as flattering ones. The therapeutic process can feel like wandering into the unknown, which is daunting for most people, even if it may ultimately lead somewhere more desirable.

Most people experience periods when they feel confused, stressed, overwhelmed, out of control, depressed, insecure, anxious, or angry. Not only are these feelings normal, it would be odd not to experience them at times. Equally common (and often the cause or the result of these feelings) are difficulties with relationships, from arguing and fighting to feeling stuck or dissatisfied.
 

Frequently, these feelings emerge when making decisions, enduring losses, or navigating transitions. Even positive and exciting changes can trigger unexpected emotions. Sometimes recognizing what we are experiencing is not easy or obvious, and simply acknowledging our feelings can provide some relief.


Though not a sign of insanity, unmanaged emotions can be serious, affecting our work, our life outside of work, and our relationships. Furthermore, through intensity or duration, emotions can manifest as physical symptoms, including headaches, stomach aches, muscle tension, high blood pressure, problems with sleeping and eating, fatigue, irritability, and tearfulness. Part of the therapeutic work is to help individuals develop the ability to tolerate their feelings without getting overwhelmed. When we are able to experience the range of our emotions, life becomes much more vibrant and meaningful. 

Some people do become dependent on their therapists for a while. When this happens, it is usually because the client has an issue, consciously or unconsciously, that requires a period of dependency to resolve. However, therapy is not about fostering dependency, but about helping people learn to take full responsibility for their lives. Even when a client is experiencing feelings of dependency on the therapist, the goal is the client’s autonomy.

The way to get over a difficult past is to face it fully, in all its emotional, physical, cognitive, and spiritual reality. But bad events can be overwhelming, and we often do whatever we can to survive. Our brains don’t fully process overwhelming events as they are happening, so as a result, the bad stuff continues to feel overwhelming and we continue to employ our defenses in order to avoid feeling overwhelmed. As time passes, our defenses may get stronger and stronger, but this strengthening comes at the expense of genuine and authentic connection to ourselves and others.