All relationships require work of communication, understanding and compassion. When it seems that relationship requires more work than the partners can offer on their own, but there is a desire to maintain the relationship, a couple may seek professional assistance. People may also seek relationship counseling for premarital counseling, parenting issues, changes in the nature of the relationship (regarding monogamy and other commitments, for instance), divorce counseling, terminal illness of one partner, and many other reasons.
The most common reason people attend couples counseling is when the partners in a relationship are having difficulty getting along. Couples often present with communication troubles, frequent arguments, emotional ups and downs, feelings of distance, betrayal, or contempt, affairs, or disagreements over basic relationship issues such as children, money, sex, or time. Couples often come in to counseling hoping a therapist can help in some way though they may not know just how they expect the therapist to help. Some may expect the therapist to choose sides and decide “who’s right.” Other couples may want a mediator for their arguments, or to learn communication skills. It’s important to discuss expectations with your therapist, to ensure they are realistic and agreeable to all parties.
What is the Goal of Relationship Counseling?
Mind Your Life sees relationship work as path that leads us to our true feelings unladed of predetermined goal of “saving” the relationship or dissolving the relationship. Healthy relationships are mostly full of joy and peace. Ending one that is not might be the healthy choice, even if it is difficult.
Therapists will help each partner communicate more clearly their needs, thoughts, and emotions, and listen more carefully to the other partner, and they will help the couple as a couple, by supporting the goals the couple agrees to whether the goal is to “stay together forever,” “stop fighting”, “make the transition to being friends”, or just “learn more about each other and ourselves.”
Individual Counseling for Relationships
Some therapists may recommend to a particular couple that the partners engage first in individual therapy, separately, before engaging in couples work. If both partners are not able to maintain a certain level of insight, responsibility, and maturity in their communications, couples work may be ineffective. For relationship counseling to significantly help a relationship, each partner needs to have a commitment, if not firmly to the relationship, at least to the relationship counseling for the time it continues. Each partner must be generally honest, self-aware, and interested in doing relationship work. Each must be willing to take responsibility for part of the troubles of the couple and for the couple’s goals.