The way to get over a difficult past is to face it fully, in all its emotional, physical, cognitive, and spiritual reality. But bad events can be overwhelming, and we often do whatever we can to survive. Our brains don’t fully process overwhelming events as they are happening, so as a result, the bad stuff continues to feel overwhelming and we continue to employ our defenses in order to avoid feeling overwhelmed. As time passes, our defenses may get stronger and stronger, but this strengthening comes at the expense of genuine and authentic connection to ourselves and others.